Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Shh! Awkward Mom-ents!

Having children and gaining your medal of Mom-or is can be one of the most liberating times in your life, but I'll be honest, parenting is never easy. There I said it. Parenting is hard!! Ok, you can stop glaring at me now, someone had to say it!! While there are so many hard decisions and experiences there are to be made, sometimes it's down right hysterical! I've collected a few Awkward Mom-ents from some mommy friends around the web, all for your enjoyment! 
Disclaimer: if you are highly pregnant or recently delivered, please take notice now to take protective measures, I will not be responsible for tee-tee soiled undies. ;)

"My daughters diaper exploded while I was burping her when she was about four and a half months old and sh*t flew all over me. I was so gross! Oh and then I was at my brother-in-law's graduation, which I left my daughter with her grandmother to attend, when I looked down and my dress was soaked with booby milk! I tried to cover it up as best as I could but I just know everyone could see!" ~Harlie

"I had just flown many hours with my six month old and she slept the whole time and ate from a bottle of my breast milk when she was awake.... when we got off the plane I kept getting strange looks. I looked down and both boobs had leaked ALOT and it went through both my sports bra and my light grey shirt. It looked like someone threw two water balloons at me!"

"I was at a hotel and my son just ate and spit up all over me. I thought I got it all off and when I went down to ask the hotel staff for a towel he looked at me, down, giggled and gave me a towel. I looked down and my face got super red... I didn't get all J's spit up! So I had a white spot on my black yoga pants, right by my cooch...THAT was awkward!"

"My daughter is my first baby.. I had never nursed before, and I wasn't sure if she was getting enough milk. So, I called for the pediatrics nurse to come in to help ease my worries. My grandma's standing at the foot of the hospital bed, and the OB nurse squeezes my boob to see if any milk would come out.. a line shot right into my grandma's face... Glasses, mouth and all."

"My son is a "casual vomiter" that's what we like to call it in our house. So I was at a restaurant with my family when I was showing off my son! I picked him up over my head to get him to smile for everyone... Next thing you know my face and my food is covered in puke!"

"My 8 month old has this thing, when he's getting rocked to sleep for a nap or bedtime he likes to pull my shirt down.. Well we went to the store & i had a roughly big shirt on so I decided to go bra-less.. We are walking through the store and next thing you know my son pulls down my shirt & out comes my boob!!  You could say I turned 50 shades of red!"

"About 3 weeks ago, I was at Walmart with K, and she hadn't pooped all day.. I knew it was coming eventually and it would be bad. Of course, she waited until we were in Walmart to let loose. The noises coming from the cart were those of a grown man who just ate taco bell. People were staring and laughing and I was trying not to throw up. Lol
I went to change her, and she was covered in shit up to her SHOULDERS. I had to wash her down in one of their sinks, and throw the outfit away (wasn't even going to attempt to wash that out) 
So, there we are checking out in Walmart in nothing but a diaper and a headband. LOL"

"I went to my in laws for a BBQ. I forgot the plug for my pump so I used my mother in laws laptop charger. I turned it on the lowest setting and it super charged and almost ripped my nipple off! I screamed so loud my son started screaming too. Everyone ran to my aid. I was so embarrassed."

"J is 2 months old. We were all outside for a family get together.. It was pretty hot so I filled his bathtub with some cool water to cool him off while we were at the patio table.. I took him out of his tub/temporary pool and took his diaper off then wrapped him up with his towel.. Bout three minutes after that he started blowing it up.. My face got so red and only thing I could think about was that the boy was naked!!! He had been fussy all afternoon so I guess the cool water helped him get things moving along.. So I held a naked little smiley boy while he finished his business wrapped up in a towel.. Between each bomb that went off it took about 10 minutes then we had to wash the towel off with a water-hose and stick him back in his tub to get all the poop off! First time mom here so I'm sure the family is still laughing about it! This was just two weeks ago!"

"It was my niece but might as well be a mommy moment. She is 5 and loves makeup right now.. So of course I let her do my "makeup". I went to the gas station and completely forgot about my new makeover and the gas clerk thought I had two black eyes.. I told him my niece did my makeup but I'm pretty sure he didn't believe me."

"I'll never forget the time my son hurt his penis while he was playing in the yard when he was 2. My best friends 5 yr old daughter ran in the house holding his hand yelling "Ewca!! Ewic hurt his wiener!!" I took a look and it was fine but he looked so sad! My son said "kiss it better mommy" as I had a look of horror on my face the 4 yr old says "yeah Ewca! Kiss his wiener so it feels better!" Ahhhhh, the joys of parenthood!"

"Awkward? How about when my oldest(4) asked about someone's skin condition, very loudly, because we encourage asking questions. I then have to explain to her that things happen, people are born the way they are supposed to be. Luckily, the person turned to me and said "You did very well explaining to her, most parents just tell their children to be quiet." 

It turned out to be awkward, but rewarding."

"I walked into the restroom with my four year old who said loudly 'Mommy somebody is pooping, it stinks!" We had to wait for this person to exit the stall so we could use the bathroom. OMG I was so embarrassed!"

"You know how when newborns poop and fill their diaper it makes that gross sound? It happened in a doctors office once and the entire waiting room was laughing hysterically. They couldn't believe that noise was coming from a tiny tiny newborn."

"Omg!!! And how when sawyer was about 15 months he used to say "daddy's big truck" but it sounded like "daddy's big cock" and he said it alllll the time."

"When my son was 3, we took a trip to Walmart. We go down this aisle, and we are walking next to this lady. The lady is not obese by any means, but she had a pooch I guess you would say. So at the top of his lungs my son yells to me, "mom! She's going to have a baby!"...I'm like...uh, no she's not! there were a few people that heard him and gave me the most awful looks. I explained to him that some people carry weight different and we aren't all the same shape. But good lord, I felt bad for the lady!"

"I have these little cutesy baby dragons tattooed on my ass. When DS was about 3 he noticed them and started calling them my green kitties. A few months later while grocery shopping (DS walking and DD was in the cart seat), I was comparing nutrition labels of something wearing a maxi skirt and tank top (my normal for then attire). There were a couple of teenage boys nearby stocking goods on the shelf. DS very cheerfully explained "Mommy has green kitties on her butt" and yanked down skirt. I didn't have on any panties and the stockers got to see my white & shiny ass decorated with 'green kitties' "

"Not awkward but completely embarrassing. When Tyler left for work one day he didn't close the door all the way and I had no idea (it's a difficult door lol) but I was wrapping gifts and my son escaped. Our neighbors next door had just moved in a week earlier fortunately she was outside when my son ran into her yard. I look up the doors wide open and I took off as fast as I could out the door and as I was running out she was walking him back into my yard. I was horrified and embarrassed. She must have thought I was the most neglectful mother ever. But she told me about the time that her son he ran out the door to, made me feel a little better."

"We are in the process of potty training my oldest, so like most moms, I don't get to use the restroom in peace. There I was minding my own, when "nature called" my little. He could NOT hold it! Before I could grab him he ripped his diaper off and pee'd on my feet! HAHAHA Thank goodness there was a bath tub right next to us!"

"I dropped my baby off at the church nursery (at our church, you don't ever drink, even in your free time) with a bottle of beer in her diaper bag. We had been to a cook-out the day before & used the bag to carry some things. I forgot to take the beer out. Might not have been so bad if I hadn't also had an empty sippy cup in there!"

"The first time I took my newborn son to his grandparents ( my in-laws) my mother in law was changing his diaper and he peed right in her face. She quickly jumped out of the way and he got my father in law who was sitting 5 feet away."

See isn't life beautiful, even when it's not? (Did that just become my thing? I think that just became my thing. That's the fouth time this week...and it's Tuesday.)
I hope you got a giggle or three out of this! Please share this with your fellow moms in all social media outlets and let us giggle with you by sharing your awkward Mom-ent in the comments below!

Till next time!

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