Saturday, July 11, 2015

30 Days To Becoming A No-Yell Mom

It was a Saturday. A very busy Saturday. We were cooking dinner for a family grill-out when it just seemed like my oldest was in to everything. I could just hear myself, I sounded terrible! Every few minutes I would yell over something
"Monkey! Stay out of the pantry!" 
"Son, don't take toys from your brother, he's just a baby!"
"Come ON son, please behave"
I'm sure the neighbors think I've lost it or am some kind of evil, whip cracking, mother who hates her children; but the sad part is, being a mother was the only thing I've ever wanted to be. Passions, dream jobs and ideals have come and gone but the only true thing I've ever wanted to be is to be a mother, and a damn good one at that. 

So why was I so unhappy??
You want to know the truth? It's because I was trying to squeeze the media "perfect" mom onto myself. You know the one, hair looks like angels did it, makeup is pure perfection, wearing the perfect dress and 6" high heels, Pinterest goes to her for ideas, dinner is a five course meal the Trump's would feel lucky to have and has the most well behaved children. The reality is, she doesn't exist. Not even in movies, because "that mom" always end up being bat shit crazy and killing people. So, I let her go and you should to. 

YOU are a good mom, you are a hero in your children's eyes, you are good enough. God made you, you are enough. So lets get into this together, all in, no holding back eh? 
Will it be easy? No! 
Will you feel like you are failing some days? Of course
Will you want to give up? Most likely. But you won't. Because you know this (or you will after I tell you.)You are more than enough and your children deserve the best you, you can be. What we say to our children now, becomes their inner voice later. Think on that. 
So here is what I say we do. Stop yelling now
Learn to redirect. 
Yelling is a quick means to (hopefully) make the actions stop, but I'm finding it doesn't change anything, just gets his attention or hurts his feelings but never corrects the issue. Redirect. It's not always easy, especially at first, you will have to rewire both of your brains, it takes about 21 days to create a habit so lets go one step farther. Instead of yelling "stop it!" Walk over, take their hands, take a deep breath and sternly say, "No." Then explain why they cannot do that. It will take multiple times before it sticks but keep going. At least give it thirty full, 110%, all in days. And the respect will be mutual.
  • When  you start feeling like you just cannot take it, step back. Don't yell, just step back. Take a "Mommy timeout" try to really listen to your child's reasoning so you can better explain to them why it isn't appropriate behavior or safe. 
  • Lower your voice. Often times when you get quieter, they get quieter and it defuses the situation, the louder and more hectic the environment is, the worse it gets, so whisper. It's also a little scarier. ;)
  • Stop taking it so personally. Your children are not misbehaving because they have it out for you or hate you. They are misbehaving because they are kids, remember, you did it once too. It's all a part of growing up and learning the life's boundary's
  • Lower your expectations. Now don't write me off after reading that, I'm not saying your kid isn't phenomenal, they truly are! But I cannot be the only parent that has a bad tendency of expecting my two year old to behave like a four year old should. Remind yourself how old they are and their maturity levels. Not all two year old's are the same!
  • If you feel like you are always battling over something, limit the battle field. For example, if you are always getting onto your little for having toys spread everywhere, take some away and limit the amount of toys he or she is allowed to have.

Right here, right now, I, Becca Guffey, pledge to make a change. I am forcing myself through a 30 day mommy boot camp. Only I can do this, no one can rewire my brain for me. Will I live on my Confianza most days (and often consider snorting it)? You bet! But, I am worth it. They are worth it. Life is beautiful, even when it's not. So I start today. Will you join me?

I sincerely hope that this post helps more than just me, if not, then at least my children and I will get some sort help out of it. But if it does help you in any way please let me know in the comments below and share with your friends on various social media platforms! I would love to hear from other mommies!
Till next time!

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